Indian society is such that the parents get quite involved in the lives of their children.
When we fall in love, we don’t think about other factors that might come into consideration when marriage talks start. It is not like in the western countries where the two concerned people decide to get married and they plan it themselves, spend from their own pockets and live their lives their way. In India, no matter how liberal a family is, marriage is always the union of two families and not just two people.
Considering this, in an arrange marriage, you can clearly put down your expectation and ask the other person to do the same. There are lots of adjustments to be made not just by the groom and bride but also their families. So unless everyone is willing to adjust it becomes a nightmare. Arranged marriage addresses this. Once you know the person’s thought process, you can take some time to understand them and if you like them in general, you fall in love and marry them or you marry them and eventually start loving them. I would suggest you do the former. Moreover, when you two know that you are about to get married, you do nice things not just for each other but for each other’s families too.
Now in an Indian scenario, youngsters are mentally split between Indian culture and the very influential western culture ( TV, Internet and sitcoms). They fall in love like they see in the movies etc. but it is never restricted to just a relationship like in the western culture. Marriage is always on their mind, but since they are in love, they never bother to gauge the marriage expectations of each other. Each person is always having expectations from the other like they would expect from a spouse but since their families have not been involved yet, it becomes difficult to fulfil these expectations leading misunderstandings. Often times they get shocked when they realise each other’s marriage expectations and their families expectations and realise that it is practically difficult. Isn’t that scary?
Both arranged and love marriages have their pros and cons but in the Indian scenario since the families come together, an arranged marriage is more popular. There is a reason why they work better here. I have seen failed arranged marriages too and I have seen love marriages where they have been dating since childhood and once they got married, it turned out that the girl was a gold digger and tactfully planned and grabbed the house in her name and threw her in laws out. I have also seen love marriages where the groom turned out to be abusive.
Bottom line – whether it’s love or arranged, you are going to find new things about your spouse post marriage or when the marriage talks begin . Some good, some bad and some scary stuff if you’re really unlucky. Considering all this, arranged marriage has a slight edge. You should take time to understand the other person and get engaged only when you’re sure.
Remember that when you fall in love with someone, they are a stranger too to begin with. You get to know them and then fall in love. It doesn’t take years. Research shows people can fall in love in a matter of 2 hours! It’s the same with arranged marriage if you take sufficient time. It has an added advantage that the families know each other and are ready for it.
If you are practical and if you have gone through enough in life, it’s easy to control whom you fall in love with and it’s easy to pick yourself up after a failed relationship.
take it easy and take some time to know your potential matches..:) all the best.