Love and relationships these days are very dicey. All around me I see people going through heartaches and breakups and losing their minds over it.
But does it start that way? No.
At the onset, there’s the initial excitement, and euphoria. Waiting eagerly for every text and call becomes common, as do the wonderful dates, stolen kisses, tight hugs and cute cuddles. The entire world lies forgotten as that one person becomes the centre of your existence and your life feels perfect.
Then as time passes, months, sometimes years, routine sets in. Gradually, the euphoria dies down, the excitement settles, familiarity builds. You get used to each other. The frequency of calls and texts reduces. People get busy. Life moves on. You stop staying up all night fighting sleep just to talk to them. You don’t wake up to good morning messages anymore. You meet, but not as often. Even when you do, something seems to be missing. That spark is gone.
You feel your partner has changed. Maybe he/she doesn’t feel the same for you anymore. You become sad and insecure. You keep trying to figure out what went wrong, but nothing really makes sense. You become distant from each other, there are misunderstandings, fights, arguments. And then one day, it just dawns on you that you and your partner aren’t compatible after all. And that it’s over.
Then comes the tough part. Moving on. But that’s easier said than done. You realise that it seems impossible to go on without them in your life. Because your partner was the first person you told everything to. Your confidante. Your person. Now all of a sudden, how do you let go of that? How do you accept that things have changed?
Then you blame yourself. You get angry at yourself for ever believing it could have lasted forever. But, nothing lasts forever. Things change. People change. And you have to accept it. So, you learn to cope. You try to take one day at a time. But then someone mentions them in passing, or talks about their favourite icecream flavour, or a particular song they liked…and it all comes back in a whirlwind of memories.
Eventually, after days of pretending to be alright, and lots of sleepless nights, you tell yourself enough is enough. You can’t stop living just because he/she isn’t in your life anymore. After all, you were perfectly fine before they came along. So you learn to pick yourself up when you’re low. You force yourself to go out, meet people, reconnect with friends, focus on your career, find a new hobby. Slowly, as normalcy returns, you realise that there’s a whole world around you that you’d ignored when you were in love. There are other people, other experiences that are just as wonderful and fulfilling.. so you heal, you get better.
You know you’ve finally moved on when you hear their name, and you feel nothing. No bitterness, no resentment, nothing. You’re stronger, you’re wiser. You’re a better person. But more importantly, you’re whole again.
So, the darkest part of falling in love is severe attachment and emotional dependency on someone.
You don’t fall in love with a person. You fall in love with how a person makes you feel. We all romanticise the idea of being in love way too much!
So, if you decide to build your entire life around a person, when he/she leaves, it will create a void. After all, everything in life comes at a price. Even love.