More than 320+ millions of people are depressed in the world, with India being one of the major contributor. This estimate increased by almost 20% from 2005 to 2016 and majority of suicide cases, if not all, come from this cohort of depressed people. If not suicide, persistent depression can even lead to disability. This number is only going to get worse in my opinion. Let’s see!
Just everything you can’t put into words.
Words can never do justice to how depression makes someone feel. It’s not just a feeling that comes and goes. It makes a home inside you. It makes you numb. You feel everything.. yet you feel nothing.
You try hard and hard to get out of it, but the more you try, the harder you fall in it. The harder you lose yourself. Depression takes you away from yourself. It’s not being sad or upset or low for a long time. It’s.. not feeling any sort of emotion. You’re just there.. existing.
For what? You don’t know.
Why? You don’t know.
The purpose? You just don’t know anything.
You’re just there breathing.. and letting every day pass by.
Sometimes even those breaths feel like a burden. You ask yourself, why am I breathing? And you get no answer.
You lie down and tears just fall out. For no reason. You ask yourself, why am I crying? And again, there’s no answer.
You stare at the ceiling in oblivion, and tears keep falling. You’re not crying that very moment. You’re not screaming or shouting. It is that feeling of numbness that is flowing water out.
You get up and go to the washroom. There.. right there.. depression steps out and stares hard at you right in front of the mirror. You keep looking at yourself on the other side of the mirror and you feel lost. You look at yourself and so many questions come to your mind, but none has an answer.
You give up and you don’t realize you’ve given up. You lose and you don’t realize everything you lost. People come to you and ask you, ‘How are you?’. Without a second thought, you say, ‘I’m good.’ You don’t lie on purpose or because of the fact that people won’t understand it. It just comes out because that’s what your ideal mind tells you constantly. That you’re okay, and good. Of course you are. What’s wrong? Nothing. Depression gets engraved so deep inside you that you aren’t able to figure out what is actually happening with you. As much as you want to, all of it seems impossible.
Some days, you don’t feel like getting out of bed in the morning. Because you feel you’ll never be ready to face the world.
Some days, you get out of bed, something falls down and that is all it takes to bring tears in your eyes.
You wish to go back to bed again, you wish to sleep, and sometimes you wish to sleep forever.
It kills you. Time and again
In Case We’re Meeting for the first Time,
HI! I’m Shivam Patel, ‘The Monotonous Panda’.
Thanks for Reading my article